It's really funny 'cause I was wanting to write a post trying to articulate how I felt last summer - even at the time, I realize, it didn't feel... It felt like "now," but it didn't feel like... on the plane of my usual experiences. Like it was still me, but living someone else's life, moment to moment felt like a different state of consciousness somehow. Dammit, I think I had a better way of explaining this before. You know, like sometimes you can look back at when you were younger, and realize that the feeling of experiencing life moment to moment somehow felt different when you were, say, 10, or 3, or 17? Or like how different cities feel, aside from the smell, or weather, or time of day; you're in this different place, and the corresponding consciousness sort of feels different. I guess that was it. It wasn't just the drive up and that different place. EVEN BACK HERE FELT LIKE THERE. I guess maybe that's it. This sort of trasladable consciousness.

And I just realized - I don't know if/why I never made this association before - of course I've been capable of projecting it on her, for some of the blither, perkier, more naïve or idealistic happy pronouncements she's made... but why would I think myself so immune, and cool, and irrational? Just 'cause I'm fucking miserable. Of course my state of consciousness was different. My brain was pumping out a different set of chemicals.

That was some pretty good shit, though.